Joey’s ((Rugby Trivia)) for the thirsty
How many (and which?) world teams have a 50% or more winning ratio against the Springboks in alltime rugby test matches??
Case of Joey Lager for the first 3 “MOST ACCURATE” answers!!
You called, Joey answered. It’s ((The AVIATOR)) like you’ve never seen or heard him!!
Joey: Ok Duane, Now I want you to close your eyes for a moment and let’s go back to that magical night, deep down… did you seriously believe you would pip “THE” Jonno Snaith to win Cape Town’s biggest prize?
Aviator: “Destiny is not a matter of chance (arms stretched in the air in a yawning like motion) ,it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to de achieved�? I think there was a higher purpose to me winning the Joey Miller dating game. I’m not sure what that purpose is Joey, but I will let you know as soon as it comes to me. Doesn’t matter who I would have been up against on that night, I would of taken it.”
Joey: Why do you think Jono lost in the end, (Joey, a small grin evidient) was it his haircut on the night that swung it?
Aviator: “At least I have the modesty to admit that lack of modesty is one of my failings�? (Duane putting both his flat palms out, in a begging like gesture) ... well let me be frank with you Joey, I think Jono got a little cocky that night!! Maybe thought that he already had it in the bag. It was a big night for Jonno, he had a hot date, looked the part… all he needed was that title (Eyebrows raised).. Recent ODI against Australia springs to mind!! Doesn’t matter how good you think you are. There is always someone that wants it more… I was that person Joey”
Joey: Since that big win, you now drive a sports car and have recently purchases a small plane and a jet ski, were these sponsored toys or did you actually buy them yourself? (Joey looking very serious for a moment.. hanging onto Duane’s next answer)
Aviator: “Hmmmm…I believe the first test of a truly great man is humility. ( Joey nodding in agreement, perhaps thinking of his own success’s in life) As soon as the sponsorship deals, movie and book rights were offered to me I had to turn them down. Joey, I donated all my winnings to an organization called Young Eagles. They are a flying school that specializes in offering PPL’s (Private Pilots License) to under privileged children. (Joey touched by Duane’s kindness) Being a man of Aviation, that was where my heart was, so answer your question Joey. No, I bought those myself.”
Joey: Good on you kid, and do you believe you’ve been a role model for future Joey Miller Dating Game victors becuase this interview sure suggests that?.
Aviator: “Well I sure hope so Joey. (Duane clearly rattled by Joey’s kind sentiments, wipes a tear from his eye) I suppose it’s a little too early to call, but I can honestly say that I walk with my head high and I’m very proud to be the original Joey Miller dating champ. Let’s hope they will look back at me the same way they will look back at Madiba in a 100 years time.”
Joey: And has your hit rate improved since “that” night?
Aviator: “If you had to ask Ms. World if her hit rate improved after winning the Ms. World Contest, she would probably say no. And it’s not because everyone doesn’t want I piece of her pie – it’s because they are too intimidated by her title. (Joey nodding once again, like a child) The same can be said for me Joey. It definitely made me more popular and I would say my hit rate has been consistent.”
Joey: Who would you say is the sexiest woman in Cape Town?
Aviator: Well, (Duane folding his arms for a moment), last time you asked me this question Joey, my answer back fired on me!! I think it would be in my and her best interest to keep it a secret.
Joey: Hey nice Rolex! Im curious, how much are you pulling in a month Kid??
Aviator: “Making allot of money is easy Joey. (Duane wiping the face of his Rolex with his arm sleeve) The trick is to make enough. So let’s just say that I pull in allot, but not enough!! “If a rich man is proud of his wealth, he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it�? Keep that in mind Joey!!”
Joey: Are you romantic or just another rugger bugger?
Aviator: “Doesn’t matter what your background is or what you did in the past. There is always room for a little bit of romance. I’m not trading any secrets Joey, but let’s just say that I have some things up my sleeve that will make any girl weak at the knees, if you get my drift Joey.” (Joey not entirely sure of where to look but nods once again)
Joey: And whilst on the topic, would you date a screamer?
Aviator: “Beauty – the adjustment of all parts proportionately so that one cannot add or subtract or change without impairing the harmony of the whole�? All woman are beautiful Joey!! Guys just have different taste. I know of many girls that I find very beautiful and who I will date at the drop of a hat, but some of friends will not. So to answer your question – A screamer for you Joey could be my future wife and visa versa”
Joey: So tell my readers, In 100 years time when your gran kids are taking their dogs for a walk, what would you want them to see engraved on your tombstone in some distant field?
Aviator: “If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl”
Joey: Well that was quite something, good to see you still got your feet on the ground kid, you have truely been a role model for all aspiring to take next years title, we must play golf sometime (*Joey swings his arm in a mock-golf-swing motion)
Aviator: Anytime Joey, I feel you understand me on a different level, great catching up, better run, time is money!”
Snyman sets polls alight in Nadoes Land
Your feedback:
It is becoming general concensus that Andre Snyman will don the green and gold this wacky winter. Of the 18 teams sent in to my very self, the man with body for life/brick shithouse body , has featured in all but 3! On most occassions he is surprisingly on the wing. What will Jake-the-trouser-snake have up his sleeve this winter??.. Keep ‘em teams rolling in fans, cause them Joey Miller’s are getting cooler!! Interesting to note that Butch is cracking the nod more often than not at flyhalf.. I may have to take action.. please god, not Butch!!
Another Joey baby spotted in public!!!
Wanna give you all my starting 15 for the opening Tri Nations thriller, take it or leave it and injuries aside this is how they line up..
15.Montgomery ,14. Paulse,13. Fourie,12. De Villiers,11. Habana,10. Vd Westhuisen
9. Januarie, 8. Van Niekerk,7. Burger, 6. Cronje, 5. Botha, 4. Matfield, 3. Andrews
2. Smit, 1. Van Der Linde
I’ll post a general consensus team as voted by the Nadoes community
Ex Nadoe looking likely to star on Survivor South Africa
Keeping his name under wraps but a little bird has whispered to me that one of our boys has made the final 20, of a possible 14 contestants…thats after almost 20 000 entries sent in… who is he? will he make it? Is he gonna be famous? Joey will reveal all.. sit tight.
The latest on The Wildman!!
Many thanks to Greg Wilson for sending in the pic, he clearly got in an angle that caught The Wildman unawares.. Good going kid, your cold case of Joey Miller Lager is on it’s way!!!
Joey Miller babies needed pronto!!!
I have been beaten and bruised by top management who demand that I update my right hand column with something to keep the Nadoes fella’s spirits up (spirits I said!!) Therefore I want to see the hottest hunnies Cape town has on offer (London and Vaalies can also join in providing they are 8 and above!) Swing me your pic, your mates pic, or your mates, mates pic and I’ll make em famous!!
Action from last weeks festive bash
Just been sent in these freeze frames from last weeks big bash at Hemisphere, was the unlucky guy who got to lock the place up after everybody had left, but definately well worth it!!
A little something for you all to save into your cell phone’s:
Taxi Cabs on call: (021) 705 1189
DO IT RIGHT NOW, NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!
For anyone who knows they are over the limit or plan on driving out but not back home due to over the limit drinking then these guys will basically do it for you and save you the shlep of zigzagging blurry traffic. All you have to do is give them an hours notice and your life will remain in their sober and capable hands. Over the limit drinking may result in serious consequenses so be smart this winter!!
Has anybody seen The Wildman???
I have been sent in numerous emails asking firstly when the next season of a shmoke and a pancake is coming out and secondly ( and probably more importantly!) – where on earth has the WILDMAN gone?? As you’ll all remember The Wildman featured quite regularly on my column last year. I need pictures of this man, any pictures will do!! and I’ll throw in a case of Joey Miller lager to anyone that manages this. Whispers are that he operates Caveau Wine and Deli Bar on 92 Bree Street but due to the exclusive nature of this fine establishment (Hang out spot for top models) you’ll be lucky to get through the front door with a digital camera. As far as the next season of A Shmoke and a pancake is concerned, I have earmarked June 2nd as the official opening of season 2, so be sure to jot that date in your diary.. got a peach of a guestlist in store for you!!
Why does this man look so familiar???
If anyone can successfully identify the man pictured right then I will personally donante them an ice cold case of Joey Miller Lager (pictured below). A clue that I have been forwarded is that he was educated at “The College of Knowledge” in Grahamstown. He has a secret female admirer from Oregan, USA, who wishes to remain anonymous.
JOEY MILLER LAGER STILL A WINNER!!!
Brewed to perfection, this timeless beer is still rated as the no. 1 beer in the Western Cape. It apparently stays colder longer due to a special ingrediant, available to all Joey Miller competion winners. Be smart, Be Perfect and most importantly…. Get a night life!!!
HEY YIPEE YAY, U-S-A!!!
This years winning Ryder Cup team(pictured right). A team of formidable golfing talent, they looked the part and in the end prooved just too slick for the helpless Europeans, captained by the respectable Dave “the globe” Lobenstein. Proposals have been put forward for a Presidents Cup, but more on this in due course.
Kudu Welsh pins record trophy Bull!!!
Just sent in: This beast that was apparently harvested whilst hunting with Crusader Safaris just last weekend in Eastern Cape, the horns measure a whopping 63 inches which is a pending African record for 2006!!! Asked how long it took to hunt this freak like animal, Welsh responed ..”Joey, it took 4 days.. praise must also go to my veteran guide, and former All Gold, Boland Cricket, fast/medium bowler Andrew Pringle”
Nice work Kudu Welsh!! Joey salutes you.
Joey
Just in from the controversial “Johannes Berger”
Jeez Joey,
I have not seen aggression like that since “Fleck” donned the number 13 jersey for the green and gold, never knew you had it in you, you could fit in up North no problem. Ok Joey lets set the record straight. It is not that I have a hatred for your village I realise the beauty of the place its just that if I hear another hippie bang on his bongo drum down long street or another southern suburbs kid with a pair of chinos and moccasins tell me how “Awesome and precious” his town is I may blow the place up. No Joe I would not do that where else would I spend my week of hedonism and keep your economy going. If the place is so great why do we need to be reminded all the time?
Joey I read “Some inspiration from a Cape Town fan” and have to admit I really was turned on by these fantastic scenes until I got to the paragraph about the home stretch and seal and thought hold the phone I know these words. After a bit of thought it struck me Ernest Hemingway’s great novel Old Man and the Sea, don’t be surprised if you get a knock on your door from the Plagiarism Police. Some would say “wipe the chip off your shoulder Johannes” Johannesburg has nothing on Cape Town, but what really do you have that we don’t? The Sea? Not true an hour drive up North we have the Valley of the Waves, which has constant waves and heated water what could be better. Camps Bay I hear some one cry well we have 4th Avenue Parkhurst only difference we have buildings on both sides of the road which means more restaurants, more shops and as you know Joe more in JHB equates to better. I could go on Joey but I think you get my point. In saying all this Joey please understand, I mean no harm I am not an aggressive Vaalie with shaven head and Gym build you know that. I will be in Cape Town in a few weeks and would love to have that eggs benedict at your favourite spot you have been promising me.
Keep well Joey, Its Friday and I am off to have a bottle of the finest late harvest the fairest Cape has to offer
Your friend
JB
Live on (((skype))) from Mud Island – The Postman Pat interview!!!
Joey: ” Pa-t we got a li__ve fee—d bud_dy, did you sort out that microphone?”
Pat Magnet: “Joey, it’s not coming through that clear this side?
Joey: “Pa_t how the he__ll are you k_id, can you hear m_e?”
Pat Magnet: “Shitters Joey, not a great line this but guess its pretty cheap so lets give it whirl.. Ja all good this side, raining again, just finished a big game of chess with my mate… guess that’s London for you Joey… got my girlfriend listening in if that’s ok?.. also a rediculously big follower of yours!! ”
Joey: “No prob_lem Kid, let her listen in ..So Pa-t you here them Nadoes boys have be_en win_ning a few rugger gam_es of late!!”
Pat Magnet: “Yes I believe they are looking good, please dont tell me that Jason is still plyaing for them Joey, man..they gonna need sticky tape to keep him on the field!!”
Joey: “ha ha haaa__aaa”
Pat Magnet: “Why you laugh Joey, something funny, the man’s a f*cking crocker!!”
Joey: “Yes indeed he is, and might I a-dd he has app_arently got hims a cute…... ca__….the_indoo all …. ti_me…... blow_ing kisses….a_ …..whisp swee…...h_er… whilsplay onsil tennis infr__ …f… scooter!!”.
Pat Magnus: “Jeez Joey, you breaking up buddy, cant fit a damn sentence together this side, sounds like you said he has found himself a cute something other, but lost the rest of it??”
Joey: “Gaaa_d the man_s in lo…....nev_er leaves her si_!!!”
Pat Magnet: “Nope, this is pointless Joey, you sound like a blundering idiot that side, well just send my wishes to them rugger buggers and hang on hang on… my girl says hi from a muddy London… we both love your work Joey!!”
Joey: “Sure any_t….k_d… take it ea-sy out th…..... th....w-..... play_…”
Pat Magnet: (Hangs up whilst Joey is in mid sentence, had enough… kisses his girlfriend on the neck, they snuggle for a while…who traaaained Joey, they both think in unison..)
BEWARE OF THESE FELLA’S – Lethal Combo 1
If you ever out and about and these two fella’s are at the bar, be sure to stay well clear… Lethal Combo 1 are irritating drunks that wont leave you alone. If you are remotely good looking .... Guy or girl, then be sure to stay well clear!!
(Alert sent in by J. Spenner)
Many thanks for the alert Jenny!
Joey Miller
POSTMAN PAT ENJOYS A GOOD WIIIINE
Pat Magnus, (pictured left) an avid fan from the shores of Mud Island has been shouting praises at the my column and I thought it only fair to let our fans know a little more about this fine speciman…
Yours in wine,
Joey Miller
Will “Skip Elley” keep it steady??
As the weekends fiasco of Golf at De Zalze becons, few questions are being raised about whether this years U.S.A team can hold there own against the more matured “Crusty older dogs of Europe” . Young Buck, Skip Elley,(pictured right) will be leading the Yanks to what he believes will be “another doddle in the park” .... It’s 27 holes of golf and it’s gonna be a massive spectacle!! Tickets selling fast, get yours today and bring the kids along for some quality golf!!
WILL “JOHANES BURGER” PLEASE STAND UP!!!
After a flurry of rude emails and somewhat crude pictures from the deranged Vaalie, Johannes Burger , it seems he has now crept back under a rock , and decided to keep things quite. Why does he “jerk off” Cape Town so much? Why does he have so much hate towards this small, proud Nadoes community??... Will this man please stand up and be countered!!!
An angry,
Joe Miller
FLECKELS BECOMES A NADOE!!!!!
Robbie Fleck or Fleckels (Famous for his “shmoke and a pancake” interview) has become the latest Capetonian to be called a “Nadoe” as he donned the colours at a Capacity UCT ground..it is whispered that he will be back in action this Wednesday, no entrance fee, no kicking in their 22 just good running rugby and plenty tries on display. Fleckels, indeed we salute you!!
Your fan,
Joey Miller
CAMPS BAY - WE THANK YOU!!!
With Summer finally at an end folks, it’s at times like these that we should pay tribute to the magical place we live in. The highs, the lows, the friends made, the lovers lost, yet amidst this all, our beautifull Cape Town still remains!!
A record 2, 789 332 beachmakers officially frequented the epic Camps Bay beach this festive season. If you were one of them, hold your head high!!
SOME INSPIRATION FROM AN AVID CAPE TOWN FAN - ONE FOR THE VAALIES!!
Morning all,
At five am this morning my alarm clock starts and I decide to peak through my blinds to see what the weather is doing. To my surprise the wind has stopped and the sun is nowhere to be seen.
I decide that this is the perfect morning for a paddle and head down to Moullie Point. There is not a soul around, the sun is now just rising over the Durbanville hills and glistening off the ocean which is flat.
As I head down to the water and take my first step into the cold Atlantic I suddenly wake up to the fact that this is going to be a special training session. To my left is the silhouette of Lions head and Signal hill and in the shadow of the mountain the ocean looks dark and intimidating. As I pulled the blade through the water I felt that icy water but once my rhythm began all the focus was on the nose of the ski gliding through the small swells. I made my way around to Bantry bay, the day had begun and the mountains where now lit up in the most brilliant way and for that moment I realized how special Cape Town is.
I turned for home the wind and swell behind me a couple of seals enjoying the morning deciding to join me on the home stretch, by this stage the water feels warm and the sun now blazing in all its glory.
I hit the calms of Three Anchor bay, the paddle now complete and for that moment it dawned on me how *beautiful life is and how lucky we all are to be living it.
So to all of you are sitting behind your desk just take a moment and think just how fantastic it is too be alive and never take it for granted!!!!!
Have a GREAT day.
A Joey fan
With the 1st season of A shmoke and a pancake over, I have started piecing together what I belive will be an Epic sequel. Massive names will reveal themseles to our Nadoes community. Watch this space..
For the time being, apologies for not making your Friday brighter, your biggest fan;
Joey Miller
Something to look out for in the near future:
- Johannes Burger, my ‘Johannesburg anchorman’ will be giving us all the inside edge on ongoings up North with a few shakes of his very own vaalie flavour. We tend to forget that anything exists outside of Cape Town so lets here Johannes or J.B out on this one. I will formally introduce you to the man over the next few days. Hold your breath folks..
Green Street Hooligans
Took the baby to check out a movie last week. Man alive, some serious shit went down. Not for the faint hearted.. go check it out nonetheless, An 8/10 on the Joe-rometre.. let me know your thoughts..
Joey tributes Collective Soul
After 5 years of resting in the cold, the Roland brothers of Collective Soul have finally released their latest masterpiece: Youth A gem of an album with some classic tunes…. well worth a spot in your cd collection! (Trust Joey) Go check it out..
Catch them live this Saturday in Cape Town
Friday’s “Shmoke and a pancake” with Joey Miller
Yes folks, I have introduced a refreshingly new addition to my Friday entertainment. Just for my beloved fans, each and every week I will knuckle down with a different personality, famous or not (Vaalies included) and get to the heart and soul of what makes them tick..
This weeks entertainment: Herschell Gibbs
Joey: “So you gonna join me for a shhmoke and a pancake then Herschell?”
Gibbs: “I was game for a few beers Joey, but hell lets do the whole pancake and smoke thing, it’s a bit of fun eh… and Im on your homeground I guess” (cheeky grin, Oakley’s on Gibbs’s head look fake)
Joey: “Well glad I could get you here, Sunday must have been one helluva day!”
Gibbs: “Joey it was a dream…. It all just happened so fast though, I mean one minute I was getting out of bed, the next I had made 175 .. thats life I guess, I’m reading this book at the moment… “chicken meat for the soul” .. well I think that’s what it’s called.. all about life changing situations and the importance about being positive and stuff.. ( Gibbs scratching his ear)
Joey: “Oh get out of town!”
Gibbs: “No for real Joey, I had to really focus out there… old Ponting and the boys gave me alot of stick in the early stages of my innings… making chirps like.. “oi Herschell wanna beer?”.... and… “oi Herschell your fly’s undone mate” It really got to me early on but I just had to block it out.. I was in a zone!
Joey: “You telling me they dared chirp you!” (Joey frowning ever so slightly, head pushed forward)
Gibbs: “For sure bru… we had the last laugh though with Graeme not mentioning them in the after match presentation” (Gibbs pulls a tennis ball out his pocket and starts throwing it in the air)
Joey: “Yeah what was Smithers thinking… I thought he may have just forgot that there was another team out there”
Gibbs: (Laughing at Joey’s dry humour)
Joey: (Gently punches Gibbs in the chest in appreciation as he did with Smithers a few weeks back)
Joey: “Now slightly off the topic but is the rumour that you ran the 100m at school in 10.5s true?”
Gibbs: “haha, I think it was something like that, give or take a few seconds.. nearly missed my race actually… was watching the Nissan Shield final in the hostel..never even had my race shoes on!”
Joey: “Gaaad, you serious Kiddo..who trained you? ... and rugger and soccer, they just come naturally too? ... my uncle reckoned you were the next Naas Botha when you were at Bishops”
Gibbs: “Well I would give my left nut to run out for the Chiefs… (Gibbs suddenly starts making peace signs with his fingers) “Peace and love Joey” ... that’s their motto!.... Scara Ngubesi and I are actually good mates, we meet up at his local spot just outside Soweto when I’m up there and chat about life, sport and loose woman.. Scara is big news in Chiefs country… he’s like the Omo of washing powders” (Gibbs takes large bite of his pancake, syrup dripping)
Joey: “Ha ha… I like that analogy, yes this country has many talents out there… I’m leading the way forward.. hell that’s why I interview personalities like yourself. The other day I was reading a name over the phone to some dude at telkom… I was spelling out the name Goose Valley.. but the caller could’nt understand the name I was pronouncing.. so, instead of saying “G” for GREEN… in the word Goose I instead blurted out, “G” .... for “GIBBS” ... the dude ROARED with laughed, shit yeah… we both watched your magical innings and shit yeah…we were both proud to be South Africans that moment”
Gibbs: (Tears immanent) ... “Joey I do my best, if I can use my gifts to better the well being of my country than that’s what I’ll continue to do”
Joey: “Man alive…thanks for your time.. I realise it was a small sacrifice.. love your work!” (mouth dry, hands clenched… clearly emotional)
Gibbs: “Aaaaah Joey, for YOU…. I killa-da-bull” (Huge smile)
Joey: “Good luck with the test series” (Joey winking)
Gibbs: “Shot boet, anytime… and cheers for the pancake!”
Joey: (Watches Gibbs in the distance bouncing his ball up and down on the pavement, every so often doing a balancing act with his head… Joey in awe.. Gaaad, this guys for real!”